


Can't go back

by RiptideQueen74



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, I'm Sorry, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 18:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18744937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiptideQueen74/pseuds/RiptideQueen74
Summary: AU where Lapis never came back.





	Can't go back

**Author's Note:**

> its been a year now since this episode aired and I'M STILL NOT OVER IT  
> mmmm this is (so) sad but hope you'll like it  
> also  
> there might be grammar mistakes but feel free to correct

Lapis sat quietly outside the moon base and watched her friends through the observation orb. It's been a year since she left them and there wasn't a single day where she didn't regret it.

"I was doing so well!" she thought, "why did I left the only peoples who ever cared about me??"

She couldn't ever find an answer to this or to any of the other questions she asked herself every day...

She took the barn with her, thinking she could start a new, quiet, and relaxing life here on the moon, even without Peridot. But of course, she was wrong. Ever since she got here she stayed away from the barn. It was full with all sorts of things she liked that reminded her all the people she left behind. 

She missed them. There was no doubt about that. But did they missed her too?

In the first few months the answer was yes, of course. They cared about her and she could see their concern. Peridot was really depressed. She lived in Steven's bathroom and locked herself inside it. They hung a picture of Lapis inside the temple. She didn't even remembered that picture but it was a sign that they missed her too and it was nice to know the feeling was mutual.

As the months passed Lapis saw how Peridot got better. And Lapis was glad, of course, because she never meant to hurt her or anyone, really. She just couldn't stand the thought of being a prisoner again. Now she was free. Free, but not happy.   


* * *

Half a year passed since she left and the only friend she saw was Steven. He found her on the moon, spying on the Crystal gems, her friends, through the observation orb. Lapis was surprised to find Steven being so happy about finding her. And he asked her the questions she was the most afraid of. Why did she left? Why didn't she came back? She didn't knew what to say. How to make him understand. How to form her feelings into words. 

Seeing him made her hopeful again. Maybe she can come back after all. Her friends care about her and will always want to see her. For the first time in a very long time, She felt calm. She wasn't lonely. She believed in happiness.

But that didn't last long. Steven commented something about the Diamonds and the fear took over Lapis again. She took the barn and run away again. Crying and screaming and full of self-hate she came back a few days later to the moon base because she was tired of feeling lost. The moon sucks, but by now she knew this place very well. She hated herself for being such a coward. Was her freedom really worth all this pain?  


* * *

A few months later, she watched them through the observation orb and saw something strange on Earth. It was a wedding, it seems, like the one that was in season 6 of Camp pining hearts. Garnet wedding.

She didn't know how to feel. She thought, "I shouldn't miss a friend wedding, should I?" she never really had a full conversation with Garnet but as the leader of the Crystal gems they were probably considered as friends, aren't they? "We're not really friends though," Lapis thought, "what are friends anyway?"

So she stayed at the moon base. But then she saw the diamonds hurt her friends (if she still allowed to call them her friends...) And her instincts made her fly immediately to earth, to help them. As soon as she was closed enough to the temple the fear striked her again. "This is a mistake," she thought, "They hate me. They don't want to see me ever again. They hate hate hate me. And I disserve that". So she decided to hide behind the temple and was relieved to see how they got everything under control and was just a little surprised to find out that Steven was actually Pink diamond. At this point it didn't really matter to her. She never really knew Pink, but she knew Steven and she cared about him. So what if he was Pink Diamond? Now he's Steven. Her friend. 

Lost in her thoughts, She suddenly noticed a Bismuth sitting alone on the shore, holding Peridot gem.

She felt shocked as tears fell down her cheeks. she noticed that the Crystal gems where nowhere to be found and panicked even more. "were they shattered? Are they okay??"

Later, when she was back on the moon and watched them through the observation orb, she discovered they tried to heal the corrupted gems, Then went all the way to Homeworld.

When they were back she saw Peridot with a new, beautiful form, as well as the other Crystal gems members. She saw everyone happy. The Diamonds seemed to get along with the Crystal Gems, weirdly. (And Lapis wasn't sure how much she can trust them.. they ARE the Diamonds, after all.) All of the corrupted gems were hilled (even Jasper, though she didn't even knew she was corrupted..)

And all the humans and gems just seemed happy in general.

Peridot moved in the temple and shared a room with Amethyst. They both looked thrilled with this. Steven, who was always happy anyway, looked even happier. He spent a lot of time with his human friends and the Crystal Gems. Garnet was married. Pearl had a new friend (who kind of looked like Rose).

* * *

It's been eight months now since she left, and she was still alone and afraid and so far away from earth and her friends.

There were a few times when she seriously thought about coming back but only two times when she actually flew all the way to the temple then hurried back to the moon, worried and afraid. One of those times was at Garnet wedding. The other was now. She hid behind the temple, watching Steven and Peridot playing with cards when suddenly she heard Peridot voice crying angrily. "I don't understand, Steven" she heard her says. "You said she's watching us, why didn't she came to help us? Doesn't she care about us?" Sobbing, she said, "I thought she was my friend.. was I wrong? Do you think she hates me?" And after Steven answered, "I don't know, Peridot.. she seemed really terrified when I saw her.. I thought she'll come back by now. I mean, everything is good now, so I don't know anymore.. but even if she won't ever come back, we'll be fine. We're free now." Peridot smiled at him and answered, "yeah.. we don't need her. We're okay now"

It hurt Lapis to hear those words.

They really think she doesn't care about them? How can they think she hates them when they're the best thing that ever happened to her!

She wanted to get out of her hiding place and tell them that she's here and she loves them. But then what? What can she possibly do to make up for all this time when they needed her and she was too selfish to care? Nothing. It was indeed too late.

She went back to the moon, and kept watching her ex-friends being happy and keep living without her. They took off the picture of her that they once hanged. And that was it. They don't miss her. They don't need her. They're okay. Now, she really does can't go back.

It's been a year since she left them and there wasn't a single day where she didn't regret it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it came out good~  
> I was kind of in a similar situation like Lapis and I'm so happy she came back 'cause she's my favorite♥  
> wish my story ended up like hers...  
> anyways, thanks for reading! hope you enjoyed(:


End file.
